Wherever I go...I'm always there

It's been a while, I know. Some of you may have even forgotten that I am in Nicaragua and moved on to the next thing =)It's ok, we all have lives! For that reason, I'm not going to go into an apologetic schpiel about how busy I've been and therefore unable to blog, et cetera. If I've learned anything in the course of this assignment it's this: We are all doing the same thing, and have plenty "plenty to do," wherever we may be in the world (1 Corinthians 15:58). If I weren't walking through calf-high muddy water to get to a bible study, I'd be fighting traffic on I-680 North to make it to a study on time after work. If I weren't swatting away bloodthirsty mosquitos in the house-to-house ministry, I'd be struggling to read a scripture through swollen eyes at a door in Pittsburg due to the high pollen count. Whether a person is struggling to stay organized and sane with double-digit Bible students, or trying to fulfill their Theocratic responsibilities while working a full-time job and raise children all at the same time-Jehovah's Witnesses as an organtization are the busiest people on earth, in my opinion. But would we have it any other way? Is there any greater joy, any sweeter sleep to be had at night? I'd just like to take this time to tell all my friends, wherever they are serving Jehovah and in whatever capacity, that I am consistently encouraged by all your faithful hard work. We are all just doing what we ought to, but still, it's nice to slave side by side with so many friends.

So my friend Laura (shoutout!) had a question that I thought I'd answer by means of a blog entry. What is the most challenging aspect of this assignment, and how have I been able to overcome it? The answer is found in today's title: Wherever I go; whatever I'm doing, I can't seem to get away from pesky old ME! I am my own thorn in the flesh, wherever in the world I may find myself. Before I left California I made a bunch of sweeping declarations that I am now having to eat ("This a chance to reinvent myself, I'm starting over, I can be a whole other person, etc."). I meant these things as a reference to all the quirks and insecurities and flaws in character, attitude and/or perception that posed challenges to me at home. I think I actually believed that being somewhere else, I'd become someone else. News flash, to no one but myself: it doesn't quite work that way. I left a lot behind, but much to my chagrin, I couldn't quite get away from ME. I am still here.

Here are the some of the issues that have their origin in this big ol' head of mine, that somehow got plane tickets here for an extended visit:

1. Feelings of inadequacy: Our Sunday meeting attendance is mind-boggling. We have a congregation of some 60 publishers, and yet our meeting attendance is, on average, double that amount. There are SO many interested people here in Sebaco..we start new studies every single day. Sometimes I stop and think about how much work there is to do, and how much growth I have seen even in just the three months I have been here, and I begin to feel, well, small. And I am. It's Jehovah's harvest and he just lets us toss seeds and maybe grab a few heads of grain. But I still question at times if I have what it takes-spiritually, physically, and emotionally-to actually contribute anything. A couple of people I study with are now regular at meetings and one even hopes to join the Theocratic Ministry school this month. And you know something? That scares the daylights out of me. I really want to help these people obtain a relationship and good standing with Jehovah and I'm always scared that I'm going to drop the ball somehow. But I was that way at home. All I can say is that I'm grateful to Jehovah that I'm even getting to try.

2. Modesty and reasonableness (or lack thereof): With so much to do, there always exists the challenge of trying to figure out one's limitations are and how to work within them. You all know how that is. With the Mexico branch's special pioneer campaign coming to a close for the season, the brothers and sisters who worked so hard here during the duration of their assignments and are now returning to their home countries or congregations leave behind many hungry students-GREAT students at that. At one point I wanted to accept any and every student that any of the brothers and sisters from the "ruta" wanted to turn over to me, and at one point I pretty much tried to do just that. But a person has to eat, sleep, do their own personal study, look at herself in the mirror or even just SIT every once in a while. The elders here, though, know exactly what we are working with, and they regularly remind us to be modest and balanced in our service. And it helps. Life is simpler and slower here, which really does afford more time for personal study and meditation. We can spend more time with the brothers and just stop and smell the nanzites (it's a really fragrant fruit that grows here).

3. Worrying too much: I worry all the time about whether or not I'm approachable to people in the congregation; about whether or not my personality is being lost in translation (I speak Spanish fluently but I'm just learning Nica!). I'm worried right now about the Kingdom Hall build we are assigned to participate in this weekend. It is 6 hours north, near the Honduras border, in a town called San Juan del Rio Coco. Now, although it is true that Jehovah's organization is worldwide and united; when it comes to certain regional particulars, such as construction project, the goings-on are a little different. (Let's just say "organized" looks different from place to place!) Danielle is really excited about helping to build a Kingdom Hall in another country; as she should be, it is exciting in theory. But I'm thinking, man, how's this going to work? What are we going to be doing? And what if I drop a cement block on someone's head? I know good and well Jehovah is going to make it work and a house will be built for him. It's just hard for me to relax and not overthink it. Another thing I can tend to overthink: congregation arrangements. Again, with regard to some arrangements, such as meetings for field service, there is a margin of variation from congregation to congregation depending on the local needs. So I'm constantly thinking about how well I'm cooperating with and supporting the arrangements. It's tough sometimes not revert to the school of thought, "well back at home, we did it THIS way..." Jehovah's will is going to get done, April! Just smile and go out in service!

Yes, I have the same issues as I did at home. There are some sad days; usually due to missing loved ones especially after the visits Danielle and I had from her mother, and my parents and sister. There are mishaps(there was an incident with my bike...that's all I'm going to tell you), frustrations, disappointments, misunderstandings...just like EVERYWHERE ELSE. Not to be forgotten is that Satan works here too (you should have seen the guy on the bus who told me he'd become a Witness just to go out with me-anybody who looks like that while speaking the nonsense he was saying has GOT to be one of the Devil's kids!). We have to be on guard all the time, just like you do. But the thing that makes you believe that you are pretty close to being in the Promised Land here, besides the productivity in the ministry, is that life here lends itself to more time for study, meditation and prayer. Everything I do here totally revolves around the ministry, which I think inclines my mind a little more in the right direction every day. I may not have miraculously become someone else, but I'm getting to take time to work on specific things I want to improve while I'm getting Jehovah's work done. I'm still a mess. But I'm a mess who is living a good life.

Pioneer meeting during the C.O.'s visit (featuring our auxiliary pioneers)

Left to right: Shigemi, me, Mom, Dad, Amber and Fuebi after the meeting

With Mom in service

Dory!!! (She's blue and yellow and she's all over the place and so is her owner)

For more pictures follow me on Instagram @sisteraprilgantt